A Whole New World

In a swirl of ǽther, my unconscious body had been lowered from the heavens to the ground. I was stirred awake only by the gentle chirping of crickets and frogs nearby.

I felt like I had slept for days and my body tingled as I stirred.  Something poked me in the back, a stick.  I was laying on the bare ground. As I shifted the evening air kissed any exposed skin it found: my arms, face and feet.

I sat up, my vision was blurred. I rubbed my eyes in an effort to clear the fog. A fire pit was nearby though there was no sign of a recent fire. Dried leaves and an empty bottle of mead indicated it had been quite some time since the pit had been used. But why was I there? What had happened to me? I sat quietly, hands in my lap, as thoughts raced through my head.

I stumbled as I stood up. My head pounded and I felt dizzy.  I felt as if I might fall over. Clearly I had stood up too fast.  I put my head in my hands trying to regain my composure.

I looked around in a bit of a panic, as I realized I was alone and not wearing familiar clothes.  Was I even in the Eorzea any more? The landscape certainly wasn’t familiar.

I looked around for anything familiar. Nothing. My heart pounded in my chest as worry took over, overshadowing my throbbing headache.  I recalled talking with Tataru at the base of the Crystal Tower. There was a portal. Yes! A portal!  Had I gone through it?

I looked to the ground.  I felt strange. Taller. I lifted my gown a bit. My legs were really long.  I gazed upon myself. I reached for my tail and looked behind me. It was gone! My ears twitched. I recall feeling them, on top of my head. I reached up to where they should have been and felt nothing. As my hands moved to the top of my head I quickly discovered I had bunny ears! My Miqo’te ears and tail were completely gone.  Suddenly I realized: I MUST have gone through the portal after all.  Was I in fact in the First? Why was I a Viera? “Tataru!” I called out. Nothing.

I was alone. I panicked again, not knowing where to go or who to look for. “Annimae!” Again: silence. I truly was alone.

I set off on foot. I had to find someone or something. A city, a town, a village. Anything. Anyone who could tell me where I was. When I was.  I needed to find my Anni kitty…

I could see a blue glow in the distance. I decided to head in that direction.  I stumbled a bit as I walked.  I was thirsty and tired.  My headache was fading now. Getting up and moving helped a lot.

I approached the tower in awe. It looked very similar to the Crystal Tower but I knew it wasn’t.  “I must be in the First!” I told myself.

The view was absolutely amazing. The wrought iron framed buildings with clouded blue glass walls were breathtaking.  The tower stood paramount over the city. Majestically glowing.

I entered the city quickly. My need for sustenance and answers was trumped only by the loss I felt in my heart. I needed my Anni.

Quiet Evening

Life

Life. It has a way of changing on you, unexpectedly. You can roll with the punches or hide in a corner.

To say my life has been changing lately is an understatement. Two months ago my wife left me and I found myself alone and wandering. A month later I reconnected with an old friend and I was on top of the world. She had even proposed to me. Sadly that didn’t work out and she ended up leaving as well.

Of course I blamed myself. What was wrong with me? Where was I screwing up so bad? I’m not sure if I’ll ever have an answer to these questions. Not that I need one….

You see. I roll with the punches.

Sure, I was feeling pretty depressed. Alone. Worthless. But I carried on. I have an amazing network of supportive friends whom I can fall back on for support. If you are reading this, you are probably one of them.

Thank you.

My life is changing again. For the better. I am looking up and the road ahead looks good. I am excited but proceeding cautiously. I can’t bare to have my heart broken again.

Thanks again everyone, for your love and support. I am so very blessed to have you all in my life.

xoxo

Some Alone Time

I had just gotten home from work.  Knowing I would be spending another evening alone, I made a stop on the way home.  I set down my things and ate the meal my house steward had made for me.  I bathed and slipped into a soft, sheer nightie.  The evening air was crisp. I sniffed the breeze as it squeezed through a partially open window.  Fall was approaching and its all too familiar scent was present.  I dimmed the lights and climbed onto my bed.  I had a small brown paper bag with me.  Inside was the toy I had purchased earlier.

I sat on the bed and looked out the window at the stars.  Somewhere out there was my wife.  She hadn’t been around for a while now.  She was caught up in a bad storm in eastern Hydalen but that had passed and she had come home.  I was over joyed when I saw her; collapsing onto the floor with joy and disbelief.  Alas she was exhausted from her trip so we had gone right to bed.  When I woke in the morning she was gone.  No note, no word, nothing.  I have no idea where she went, where she is or when I will see her again.  Heck, I don’t even know if I will see her again.  That evening, I wept.  Never before had I shed tears like I did that night.  The love of my life was gone.  The very reason I wake in the morning, the reason my heart beats, the reason I live.  Gone.

I looked down at the glass toy I now held in my hand.  Tears ran down my cheeks and peppered the comforter.  “Is this my future?” I thought to myself.  “Where do I go from here? How do I move forward?”  I left the toy on the bed, between my legs and lay on my back.  I looked up at the ceiling, both hands on my heart.  I blamed myself for her disappearance.  I must have done something to make her leave me.  The local authorities confirmed over and over, there was no evidence of struggle.  No reason to believe abduction was the cause.  She had left me on her own accord.  Maybe she had met someone better than me?  Maybe she had gotten in trouble with foreign law while caught up in the storm.  Maybe she was just tired or bored of life with me and needed a change.  Maybe she felt the spark was gone; instead of talking with me she took the easy road and just bailed.

I rolled over and screamed into my pillow.  I pounded the bed with my fists.  My emotions were deep and strong.  I was angry at everything, the gods, the local authorities, my wife and myself.  Everything I lived for was suddenly removed from my life and I had no say in the matter.  My fate was decided for me.  I would live alone, with out my wife Psyiah, and I would have to deal with it.

My friends supported me as I told them of my woes, Tauri, Auri, Kini, Gilly and others.  I cried on their shoulders while they held me.  My work suffered.  My productivity had dropped considerably and I was afraid the elders might catch on.  Some mornings I would arrive at the Astrolab and cry for hours before being able to do anything.  Evenings were just as lonely.  This evening was no exception.

I gripped the new toy, a glass dildo, in my hand.  Any desire to have pleasure in my life was gone.  Angrily, I threw it at the window.  The pane shattered of course, shards of glass rained down onto the floor.  I turned over and cried.  I know not what time I eventually fell asleep.  All I remember is laying there and thinking of all the wonderful memories we had together.  All the joyous times we had and how I would no longer experience them. Never. Ever. Again.